I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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