omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
