Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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