Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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