I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
