she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Couch. On fire.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
