So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
