I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My feet surprised me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
