When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
