talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
