I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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