And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
