i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
