Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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