you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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