So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
