oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
