I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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