Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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