i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
