He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
