Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
