I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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