soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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