I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
