I can feel you judging me through the phone.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
