My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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