Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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