Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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