did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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