When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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