I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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