my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
