how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
