booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
