I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
