Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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