her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
