Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
