I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I want to have your abortion
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
