if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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