Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
