don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
