Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
nutella sex= disaster
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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