Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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