I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
