this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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