So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
