I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
