DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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