When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
