She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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