i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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