why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
