Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
