just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
