FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
