Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks