Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds