SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind