If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.