is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
