You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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