It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband