I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love