this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.