Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
