The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
