I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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