I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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