I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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