I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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