Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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