paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
