dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
