just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
