Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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