I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
