Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
