if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
