why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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