yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
