At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
