If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
