K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
